Sept. 3, 10:44PM

I often get irritated when people ask me questions just to satisfy their ego-doubt-feeling. I don’t know why I feel that way but I’m pretty much sure that I hate feeling it. Why people need to seek approval before before they can trust themselves or say to themselves that they are right? I don’t know. Maybe, it’s just a human natural instinct or reaction or response to be felt to be connected to others. sometimes, we need to to feel that we are not alone with our opinions. and seeking approval from others may also increase our confidence in our own words.

I do that sometimes. I seek the approval of others to prove that I’m right. well, what an ego I have. I know it is not healthy because I doubt my own capability and ability and I don’t believe to what I know and to what I can do. It makes me lonely to say that I have a fragile confidence and I don’t want it that way. Maybe, It’s really of the things that I really need to eliminate. I need to learn to trust myself, to trust my words, and to stand on my ground which often shaken by light earthquake of life.

People get to seem to have a lot of emotional needs.

Irritating

I find it hard to appreciate teachers who are unprofessional. I don’t know but it got me irritated. i just what them to be out of my sight. I want to show them their stupidity. How those brains malfunctioned to its lowest capacity and ability.  I won’t mention their names because I know it’s not the way of the professionals neither blogging their stupidity in this site but I’ll do it anyway. Some teachers are really arrogant, Ignorant, empty-headed, Lychees, askals(uncultured dogs in the streets of Phil.), uncultured animal to its lowest standard, stupid among all stupids. They are like cans, empty and noisy.

Ugliness

“The ugliness a person sees in others is a direct reflection of His own nature. Therefore, person should not act hastily and project the image of unwholesomeness and hatred within himself on another innocent and unfortunate being.”

Risk

“To love is to risk rejection.”

Everything is a risk.

The Merging(NSNU)

“When two corporations merged together forming one name and identity, one of them is called a surviving entity which carries the dominant identity during the merging. The surviving entity carries all the responsibility in the corporation.”

That statement described what happened to Nazareth School and National University, two schools carrying different identity as a corporation merged together forming another name as one, The Nazareth School of National University. The Nazareth School, Hijas de Jesus, Manila, A catholic school run and owned by the Hijas de Jesus Sisters was merged to the National University, a private University School owned by a Mr. Henry Sy, the popular owner of the SM Malls and other companies. The merging was done through the a mutual agreement of both parties. The Nazareth School being a Catholic School was said to retain its identity as a non-stock, non-profitable Institution thus making it, during the merging, as the surviving identity and responsible for any action in the corporation. The National University closed its BED department making Nazareth School the BED of the University. Combining the advanced technology o f the National University to that of the time-tested Catholic system of Nazareth School produces a quality of Education that Sampaloc,Manila can offer. Nazareth School of National University carries the Ignatian spirituality as lived by Saint Candida Maria de Jesus, the foundress of the Hijas de Jesus congregation.

“Satisfactory” (Aug. 23, 2012)

This date reminds me of the rating I had received coming from my performance last year. It read “Satisfactorily”. Human Instinct, I have reacted violently, not physically but emotionally. I can not accept the rating given to me. I demanded for an explanation. How did they arrive such rating? What were there bases of having and arriving such Satisfactorily rating, where in fact, thinking back my previous year, if I’m going to assess my self, i have done all my efforts just to make things good and well. It came into my mind that the assessment done was unfair. I can not accept the explanation because, for me, it did not really give the whole idea why I have gotten such rate. I know there are many factors to consider, but those factors stated as the reason why I have had that rating isn’t really the big factors that affected my rate.

Anyway, these were just my initial reactions.. I have prayed over it already and these what pops up on my mind…

I know within my self that i have done all my work during the year. the faculty really saw how i work hard. They were the perfect witness of my devotion to make things right.I Know that the rating doesn’t really boxed and defined how i performed my work, how did I do things during that year. That rating doesn’t really measure what I have done, what efforts i gave, what happiness and joys I have gained, and what lessons I have learned. That rating is just a word that proved nothing. That rating was the standard of human eye. That rating is not seen in action instead it is more than in action.

That rating do not really measure my work and my worth. That rating can not make me less than a teacher. I am a teacher beyond any rate. And I know no rate can ever describe my dedication i give to my work. The rate doesn’t define me it only shows that they fail to see me. Well, that is not my problem anymore. I am beyond what they can see. This rating will not bring me down. Those who humbled themselves will be given the greatest price in it’s own time.

Lord, help me to think wide and deep. Put love in my heart.

NO heartache feelings. I will continue teaching. There lies my heart and my treasure.

A letter for myself

Wake up!!!! Don’t mess up yourself with those worthless and dumb self-pity feeling of yours. There are so many things to thank for. Don’t ruin your life by just thinking you aren’t happy, that you are longing for something or for someone. Yes, there are maybe lacking in your life but those will come and be revealed  at their proper time. Don’t waste life and energy at your self-pity. Life is too short to be little. You have all the basics for survival. You are Lucky comparing to the other million people who are living in this planet. Dwelling on your worthless emotions would give you nothing. why not spend your time reading on thoughts that can help you, thoughts that can vivify and revitalized your mind. All that you need are already in your head. You have known all of them before. Don’t let these emotions blocked what supposed your mind is controlling. Think. Reflect. Be a positive thinker.

Go back. Go back. You have done all these before. You were the most cheerful by a years ago. You handled yourself the way it should be. you admit what is wrong. you easily let go. You cry because you need to but don’t frustrate too much blaming it all on you.  You love because you feel it. You smile even though you had no reasons to. Everybody sees your joyful face and gladness gestures. You can bring them back. There’s no difference between those days as of today. Dates have changed but you should have not changed the happy person in you. Sadness. Throw them away. Give them your smile. There are so many ways to live a happy life. count them.

You have gone so far. So far. You don’t need to please them all. you don’t have to. Somebody will love you just the way you are. Believe me because somebody had done it before. Act naturally. Be happy. Be positive. Gos has always a better plan for everything. Learn to trust and have faith. God controls eternity.