What if She Comes Back?-(An open letter to the brokenhearted me)

If you were given a chance to tell your heart’s desire to the person you once loved the most, what would you tell her?

To love and to be loved is the greatest feeling in the world. What could you ever wish for if the perfect fairytale story is happening right in front of you, loving the person who loves you. There could be a great beginning and much more, a happy ending but love is not like that. Most of the time, it’s the other way around.

What would you tell her?

…would you hug her and whisper the words you long to say? or would you just pretend and let the emotions die because you think it’s not proper anymore.

…would you let her know that the feelings did not really die nor it has gone? Yet the feeling waited for too long, in its long sleep it has awaken for the reason that she comes back.

..would you tell her that you missed her? all that you long was her presence, her smile, her simple greetings and messages. How you wish she could at least one of those?

..would you let her know that she was wronged when she left you and you were wronged when you let her go. Both of you committed mistake but would there still be a chance to make it right? or the only chance left is to end it right?

..Would you be ready to let her go or would you be strong enough to hold on?

 

To whom it may concern:

My life is a mess. I don’t even know who I am as if I am searching the “Me, myself and I” for too long. I am loosing the track of my road and I don’t know where I am going now. Wish someone would take my hands and guide me.

I just want to withdraw myself form this world. I want to be alone and just be in silence. I just want a world I can call my own. A world that I can understand and live with. Not this world, that I don’t even know who I am. Not this world that puzzles me whether I am good or bad. Not this world that changes and defines me into something I don’t like.

It’s so confusing. This thing in my head drives me crazy. It makes me want to end everything. it validates my purpose. I don’t know but all I want to understand what is happening around me. Why the world is so cruel? why the world is full of suffering? And I don’t know if these sufferings are really worth conquering. I just want to give up. I want to let go.

I’m on in my down moments…

I just want to stop living…

I just want this life..

I just can’t open myself because there’s nobody there to trust. Nobody is there to love and nobody wants to stay. Everybody is leaving and I can’t understand why I need to be alone for this time. why I am alone? Life has been so cruel to me.

I’ve hungered for knowledge to wisdom yet it gave me nothing. All in vain and useless. I just wish I had never known them all. Am I paying the price of knowledge? I know the what but the how is hidden. Life is so cruel to me. It is better to know nothing and be wondered by the world than to know everything yet helpless in this world.

Let all about me be buried with me.