While setting up my things because I’ll be on an evening trip to the province for home, a voice on my head whispered, “You’re single.” and then I answered back the voice, “What? what are you saying? I am single?”
Maybe that conversation with myself ,and maybe with the voice in my head, is telling me that I am free. It’s only then at that moment that I realize I am single, that I don’t have anymore bondage and chain that connects me to the past. Some kind of late reaction if you view it a normal sense but revelations for me always come late. So what does it mean if I am single?
In time, I will love again and never to repeat all the mistakes that I have done. I know I will meet people who will truly be teaching me the way of opening my heart to receive love that I deserve and to draw out all the love that I have and I can give. I know I can’t open my heart now because I am not yet ready. For now, I am more ready to accept things, things that have changed, things that I can not bring back again. For now, I am learning to let go of my past and of all the things that burdened me and really be consistent in moving on with my life hoping that one day a new love will find me where I stand.
I am not in a hurry now because I believe I don’t need to. I am single and I am free. I don’t have to worry now. I don’t have any more obligations to my past. I’m losing my grip as well as giving up my moral compass.
This realization is making me feel that I am free and I am happy as well. It’s not a bad experience at all although I have lost everything. I will love again but not now, not yet.
dark nights of the soul 