I was afraid to empty myself because I fear that I might not be able to fill it again. I was afraid that at the end of the day I’ll find myself alone walking on a road which I don’t know what path it may lead me to go. I was afraid that at the end of the day hope may not be able to find me and sustain me in my journey and that faith may totally leave me. I wanted everything to stay the same. I don’t want to move from where I am now. I was so afraid to take any step in order for me to move on and live the life that’s really for me.
But I have decided instead to empty myself. A risk that I am afraid to take and do. I don’t know but courage has pushed to do it and I hope courage will not leave me in this battle of filling my cup that I have risked to empty. It’s not easy and I don’t know if I will win. All I know is that I need to win. It’s just so hard to fight for yourself. Honestly, I find it hard to fill my cup again. I want to catch every hope, every opportunity that comes in my life in order for me to fill this hole in my heart. A hole of emptiness.
I am building a new memory for me. I am making a new identity of me. and I am on my way though it’s hard, though the roads are tough, though the pains are deep, and the sorrows are too wide to bear. I have to leave it all behind and make things new. I know it will take time but every drop is worth the wait. Not far from now, soon, I will be that person whose faith will never fail, whose hope will never end, and whose love is one that is pure and true.
dark nights of the soul 