While I am writing this letter, I was thinking if there could be a place here on earth where I could meet and talk to you personally. Anyway I think that’s impossible for now but I do hope that this letter would back up the thoughts that really are on my mind. I know that you know my thoughts before I had written them down here but I think it would still be great to have them visible through words.
God, ever since, you were introduced to me, I kept thinking who really you are. Your mystery really keeps me on searching and wanting to get to know you more. Your love for humans keep me to ask questions why you give abundant blessings to all with no limits. Your mercy and forgiveness keep my feet to walk back towards you and ask if you can accept me once again. God, why so good to me? Give me your answers that I may understand you.
God, I often ask you questions about love and joy, suffering and pain of this world, and more often I also demand answers. But I thank you now that you have not given me answers directly but instead you have let me live and through experiences and life, you have indulged me to the beauty and pain of discovering the answers to my questions which makes my sojourn in this world a journey worth travelling.
Remember the times when I was in pain and had asked you bitterly why did you let me come into this world that is full of suffering, crying and misery? During those moments I have seen my birth not as a blessing but a curse and a mistake of a creator. But now, I regret why I let my ignorance and emotions have taken me over. I should have known better. I never realize that when I was born I was the one who put smiles on the face of every people who loved me and were dear to me. God, thank you for letting me live. It is now that I know that before I was born in this world you have first born me in your mind and in your heart and that made me feel special. I want to thank you that I was the one who won the race until I reached the finish line called conception until the moment I was born.
Remember the times when all my prayers were to ask you miracles to make my life comfortable, and waiting upon waiting you have not answered them. Disappointments enveloped my heart and hatred poisoned my mind. I remember those times when I had doubts if you were really existed. I wanted to know where you are in eternity. In those many days that I contemplated on your existence you made me realize how limited and small I am not to trust you on things you know before they came to existence.
I am still young and my downs in life are few compared to your Son who had fought and won the greatest the battle history has ever known. I never understand why you keep these downs, trials, challenges and problems be in my life. You are powerful right? Common with just a word you can make them all disappear and be at once vanished in the cosmic but I am glad that you did not do it.
I’m glad that those downs I have had which I believe you permitted to happen enough for me to carry and bear, hone and shape me into a person you want me to be, a unique one never a replicated, imitated, and carbon copy of anyone. You created as a human but when I was born you are creating me to be a person exactly you had me on your mind before I was born.
I know that you know that my capacity and ability and you send rescue when I needed it most. Remember the times when I needed to be brave? When I needed to speak what I really believed in and sometimes, I only speak once. You provided me courage, the heart to stand on my feet, you said, “Do not be afraid. I’m with you” You word, I feel them in my flesh.
I once said, “God, this world is too much for me to bear,” and often times, I am more hopeless and helpless when I am faced with monstrous fears that bring trouble to my heart. But you gave me a perfect image to remind to bear my share. The image of your Son on that cross, nailed and hung, reminds me with humility to face my fears and let my heart not be troubled because through them lies the greatest lessons in life you want to unveil for me to learn. I am afraid of my fears but seeing your Son, He never did, because He knew you were with Him, and as for me, thank you for being there when times I find myself vulnerable and keep asking you to explain why I did not feel your presence when I needed it most. I believe you are with me always even when you are silent. It took me a quite sometimes to know and understand that it is in silence that you are able to talk with my heart.
God, I’m here in this world, and I can say this world is full of your goodness, full of joy and laughter, of all the goods things you bestowed when you created the world. But I can’t also deny that this world is also with suffering, pain, sorrow, and temptations that lead to evilness. This world is world of mixed realities and without you I think I am now drowned into a pool of temptations that may eventually ruining my life. But thank you again for giving me the will and power to turn my sufferings into blessings, to be able to view things through the eye of goodness. With all heart’s gratitude, you know how fragile I am, but with all my being, body and soul, I am forever be thankful for all the things you have done for me.
I may have wondered so far but as always you keep accepting me into your arms where I can rest when I am restless. I am a person who commits mistakes every now and then but in your loving mercy, you forgive me and allow me to enjoy my life once again. God, though I am not worthy still you love me. And most of all thank you for being my friend.