How to “control” others

imagesThere are no other ways to control others unless force is use but using coercion is not a humane way to control people. It is against the law of nature to force a person to do something against his will. It should never be done. But how are we going to control a person by not forcing him to do something against his will? Sounds impossible but it can be possible. Let’s improve our skill for human relationship for a while but reviewing some of the basic human manners so that we can win others to take our side.

1. Listen more, talk less or best talk only when needed.

2. Let him feel that he/she is important. Give him that feeling. Everybody likes it.

3. Ask question about him/herself. In that way you can be in control of the conversation. Never give bad comments.

4. Empathize. Learn to put your feet on his shoes. It is the only way you may understand his point of view. It is important to know what he’s trying to say.

5. Never say “You’re wrong.” Learn to state negative idea using positive words. Instead of “That’s a big mistakes”, say “We can improve that part..”

6. Find agreements with the person. Focus on the things that you can agree with.

Remember: if you are doing these things, don’t let him notice it.

When “shits” happen

shit-happensNothing is more annoying than to start a day with shits. Why do shits happen the least you expect it? and it happens to the very day you wanted life to be perfect for you. Such situations are disgusting. The thing there is, it invaded already your system and it’s already too late for you to defend yourself from “disgustness” and the unexpected happens. The shitsness of life appears. and you need to have a formulated actions in order for you overcome it. but problem is, there are no enough formulated actions to used when shits happen. I have formulated some of it based on my reflected experiences.

1. Relax. Relax. Relax.We are not meant to control everything. Our will power is limited only to our own body. You alone only can control yourself and you have to, in order for you to save your face form future destruction. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself that whatever is beyond your control you are not responsible for it anymore. If you can not handle the situation, let the situation handle itself. Have a dignified exit when you know it’s beyond your power and control. Don’t break yourself. Relax. Do it for your own health.

2.Don’t rationalize.

Over thinking of what had happened will bring you mental disturbances or worst mental destruction. Don’t over think neither rationalize why things happen. To understand the situation is different from rationalizing it. Rationalizing, sometimes, involve judging, condemning, criticizing, justifying, correcting and most of the times it leads to killing and dying. I’m not joking. It’s true. Too much pressure kills the immune of the body and it starts in the mind.

Don’t over think. Leave the thinking and further studies to the experts. Accept things and let it be. Don’t go beyond the boundary. Let your own thoughts be your own. Do it again for your own sake.

3. Use the “Fire exit.”

In case of emergency. Yes, look for the fire exits of life. There are lots of it. Actually, It’s everywhere. You just have to look around. Using the fire exits of life is different from excusing yourself from responsibilities. Remember also that we are responsible for our own willed actions. I say “willed actions.” Those actions that are really ours. Those actions that we have done with our knowledge, consent, and will. If you think, things are happening against “willed actions” it’s time for you to use the fire exit. And reminder, have a Dignified one. Get out of the house when it is in fire. or better, be careful “Don’t play with fire.”

4. Pray.

It is always best to ask assistance form someone who knows best. Talk to your creator and provider. Ask help and for sure rescue will come at the right time.

The Psychology of Right Response

iStock_000004520845XSmallSometimes, we find ourselves reacting rather than responding. If we do not know how to control our reactions then we are heading to act the way the stimulus of the situation wants us to behave. We find ourselves doing the perfect reaction to a certain action which maybe a positive or negative one. We often are not aware that our negative behavior is caused by a stimulus and we are conditioned to react to the very nature of the initial action. We react negatively when we feel that the situation imbibe negative feelings and likewise we react positively when we are conditioned by a positive stimulus. and during those times that our minds are clouded and confused it is always better to reflect what are those negativism that make us restless.

We are always conditioned by what conditions us. Looking around your surroundings will make you aware why you and other people behave and act that way. We are shaped by what surrounds us so we need to choose carefully what do we want to surround us. The power always lie on us once we recognize that our environment may contribute to the very behavior that we are possessing now. To change them is not that easy it entails consistency and endurance. Pushing yourself always to act towards what is essential.

When we are in stressful environment our body system reacts to its defensive mode. It is the very nature our miraculous body to protect its system from any harmful aliens that may try to invade our body. Unknowingly, when we are under the state of stressfulness our body system tends to be weak because we allow thoughts that give us stress to invade our minds. We need to guard our thoughts for it is the most accessible avenue to invade our system.

To be defensive is innate to any animals and it’s very natural. We humans being part and the highest one in the animal kingdom are also using this defensive system of our body. We sometimes aware of it and most of the time it is manifested on how we react to situations. We defend our idea. we defend our actions. we defend what favors us. and it is very natural. but the things is this defense system is automatic to animals but not to human. Controlling such system is always under the will of man. If we are aware enough, we may not use it for a better purpose.

We put people to defensive mode when we hurt them. and that’s the beginning of argument. but people wise enough to control their defense mechanism control also their actions and behavior as well as the situation that conditioned them to act such way. We humans are suppose to be the one controlling what conditions us not the other way around. It is the very nature of the animals in the lowest kingdom to act and behave to what conditions them. They react because they do not do how to respond. Unless training intervenes. Humans must always respond. we have our will which we can use to control our actions that can make noble and higher to any being. We control